I'll bet he and Charlie Sheen team up for a movie.
It’s rare that the news stories that would usually be relegated to the “bizarre news” section make it onto the front pages, but over the last few days the fantasies of two famous men have forced their way into the public consciousness. Muammar Gaddafi and Charlie Sheen have probably never met (though given the proclivity for Hollywood stars to dabble in foreign policy, you never know), but they share a number of qualities, such as a slipping grip on reality and easy access to TV interviewers through which to share their musings.
Some examples, taken from their recent statements:
1. They both have a problem with drugs.
Gaddafi: “[The anti-Gaddafi protesters] ages are 17. They give them pills at night, they put hallucinatory pills in their drinks, their milk, their coffee, their Nescafe.”
Sheen: “I took more drugs than anyone could survive. Yeah, I’m on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen! It’s not available, because if you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off, and your children will weep over your exploded body.”
2. They’re both having trouble with those close to them.
Gaddafi on the rebels: “Rats and cats … traitors and cowards. Come out of your homes, attack them in their dens.”
Sheen on his producer: “I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon. Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words — imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists.”
3. They’re both prepared to do violence to protect what’s theirs.
Gaddafi, when asked about cracking down on the rebellion: “Peaceful protest is one thing but armed rebellion is another. All their crimes they committed are punishable by execution under Libyan law” and “The unity of China was more important than those people on Tiananmen Square.”
Sheen, when asked about his violent streak: “Now, (only) when it’s needed to protect my family. And it’s unlike anything you’ve ever seen.”
4. They both have a slightly distorted self-image.
Gaddafi on himself: “People like the Queen of Britain, Elizabeth II, don’t have the authority to enact official rules and that’s exactly like my situation.”
Sheen on himself: “I’m tired of pretending like I’m not special. You can’t process me with a normal brain. I’m tired of pretending I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars.”
5. They both refuse to reconsider their workplace behaviour.
Gaddafi: “Muammar Gaddafi is the leader of a revolution. Muammar Gaddafi has no official position to resign from. He is the leader of the revolution forever. This is my country, my country.”
Sheen: “I’m supposed to be out there all humble and asking for my job. No, I don’t do that. I don’t understand what I did wrong except live a life that everyone is jealous of.”
6. They both like trophy blondes (though Sheen probably wins in this category).
Photo of Gaddafi’s “nurse.”
Photo of Sheen’s Goddesses.
7. Things could turn out badly for both of them.
CBS on Sheen: “Based on the totality of Charlie Sheen’s statements, conduct and condition, CBS and Warner Bros. Television have decided to discontinue production of Two and a Half Men for the remainder of the season.”
U.S. military spokesman on Gaddafi: “We have planners working various contingency plans, and I think it’s safe to say as part of that we’re repositioning forces to provide for that flexibility once decisions are made” and this news item: “Nuclear-powered aircraft carrier USS Enterprise is currently heading towards the mouth of the Suez Canal in the Red Sea after suspending anti-piracy mission off Somalia, followed by the amphibious warship USS Kearsarge.”
National Post
mgurney@nationalpost.comFollow Matt Gurney on Twitter: @mattgurney
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